I might be drunk but I am not a fool

A police officer stops a car with a man and a woman inside. The police officers asks the man:

  • You look drunk. Why are you driving?
  • All right. I admit. I had a couple of drinks.
  • Does your wife have a license?
  • Yes.
  • Then why don’t you let her drive?
  • I might be drunk but I am not a fool.

Sex for vacation

John and his wife Loren decided to save money for a vacation.

They bought a moneybox and placed it in their bedroom. They have decided to put $5 every time they have sex. The time to go on vacation has come and they have decided to open the moneybox and see how much money they have collected. John starts counting and besides $5 bills he sees a lot of $20 and even $100 bills and asks Loren:

  • Loren, what are these bills inside? I have put only $5 bills!?

  • Well honey, not all men are “cheap” like you…

The ATM will fix it

An older gentleman enters a gym. He is working out for an hour when he notices an attractive young lady entering the gym. He calls the trainer and asks:

  • Which device should I use to impress this beautiful young lady?

The trainer looks at the man from head to toes and says:

  • I would suggest using the ATM down the hall.

My wife toldme so

The end of the world came and all the people went to heaven. God told the men to organize themselves in two rows. The first row was reserved for those who were controlled by their women and the other was reserved for the rest. The first row was huge and in the other row there was only one man standing. God said:

  • You all should be embarrassed. You have such weak characters! Only one of my sons was strong enough. I am really proud of him. So tell me my son, why did you choose this row?
  • I am not sure – the man replied – my wife told me to stand here.

This must be magic

Peter and his wife are having a walk in the mountains. They come across a well and Peter throws a coin for a wish after that his wife does the same but as she throws the coin she suddenly fells into the well and Peter says:

Wow, these wishes are fulfilled really quickly!

Female and male flies

A woman goes to the kitchen and sees her man standing with a flyswatter in his hand.

  • What are you doing? – The woman asks.
  • I am trying to get rid of the flies in our kitchen.
  • So did you have any success?
  • Yes, I’ve killed three male and two female flies.
  • And how exactly did you know which one is female and which one is male?
  • Three of them were standing on my beer cans while the other two were on the phone.