My wife keeps asking

Two friends are having a conversation:

  • My wife asks me for $200-$300 every day.
  • Wow, why does she need such amount of money? What does she do?
  • I don’t know, I never gave her that amount of money.

How is that supposed to be easy

Luke asks his wife Ashley:

  • Honey, did you change the password on the computer?
  • Yes, Luke.
  • Can you tell me what the new password is?
  • Sure, it is the date when we met.

Luke hits the table with his hands and says:

  • Damn it!

Phone call

It’s the middle of the night and the phone is ringing. Carl tells his wife Debra:

  • Pick up the phone, if they are looking for me tell them I am not here.

Debra picks up the phones and says:

  • Hello, yeah he is here.

Carl is furious:

  • I’ve told you that you should say that I am not here.

Debra replies:

  • It was a friend of mine.

Good sense of humor honey

Ray and Elizabeth are on a date and Elizabeth asks Ray:

  • Ray, please be honest. What do you like the most about me – my beautiful face or my sexy body?

Ray takes a look at Elizabeth and says:

  • Your sense of humor!

Remember or Forget

Carl looks for advice from the waiter:

  • Waiter, me and my wife are marking our 25th anniversary. Can you recommend us some wine?
  • First of all, I need to know if you are trying to celebrate or are you trying to forget this date.

No way I’m driving you to your mother now!

Jessica wakes up in the middle of the night, scared and disturbed and she tries to wake her husband:

  • Wow, I had such a scary dream and I am still shocked…You know when I was younger and when I had a nightmare I went into my mother’s bed and she soothed and hugged me.

Her husband replies:

  • You are out of your mind! You want me to drive you to your mother’s house, it’s 3:30 AM for Christ sake!

Funny couple

An older couple enters a fast food restaurant. The husband orders one hamburger and one French fries portion. A wealthy man is witnessing the situation and asks if the couple needs another hamburger and portion of French fries.

  • No thanks – the husband says – we share everything.

After 10 minutes the man notices that the wife has not started eating yet and makes the same offer.

  • As I already said, we share everything – the husband replies.
  • But why is your wife still not eating?
  • I am waiting for the dentures – the wife responds.