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Too much work

An old lady goes to the market, stands in front of one stand and asks the seller:

  • Excuse me, what is this?
  • Tomatoes!
  • All right. Give me 2 pounds but please pack each tomato separately.

The seller does that and the old lady asks:

  • And what are these?
  • Peppers.
  • Great, give me two pounds but please pack every pepper separately.

The seller does that and the old lady asks again:

  • What is this?
  • Beans, but they are not for sale!

The farm is real!

A dying grandmother tells her grandson:

  • I am dying and that’s why I want to leave you my farm. It includes fields, villa, tractor and some other equipment worth around 2 million dollars.

Her grandson is very happy and says:

  • Oh grandma! You are so kind! I didn’t even know that you have a farm where is it?

With her last breath his grandmother says:

  • On Facebook.

Looking for water in a desert

A tourist got lost in the desert. Dehydrated and tired he meets a Bedouin and asks him:

  • Excuse me, where can I find water!?

The Bedouin responded:

  • You go in this direction, keep going straight and once it’s Friday turn left.

Lost condoms

A mother tells her son:

  • Son, I was cleaning your room yesterday when I’ve found this pack of condoms!
  • Thanks grandma! – her son says.
  • Why are you calling me grandma?
  • Because I couldn’t find the condoms last night!

Help me cat

Peter was tired of his wife’s cat and decided to get rid of her. He took the cat in the nearby park and left her there but when he came back home he saw the cat sitting in the front of the house. The next day he decided to take the cat with a car few blocks away but once again when he got back home the cat was waiting. So, the third day he took the cat with his car and drove to a remote place crossing bridges, driving left and right…and he finally left the car there. Few hours later Peter was still not back at his home. He called his wife and said:

  • Honey is the cat still there?
  • Yes, the cat is under the table why are you asking?
  • Could you please pass the phone to the cat because I got lost and I don’t know how to get back home.

A water rabbit, what else

Little Timmy has just started talking and his mother Liz decides to take him to the Zoo. She asks him:

  • Hey son, what kind of animal is this?
  • A rabbit! – Timmy says.
  • No son, that’s a giraffe.

They continue walking and his mother asks him again:

  • Son. What kind of animal is this one?
  • A rabbit!
  • Come on son. That’s not a rabbit that’s a lion – the king of animals.

They continued walking and came near the pool inhabited by dolphins. Liz asks her son again:

  • Son, what is this?
  • A water rabbit!

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